Wonder
by Schuyler Lola
Summary: Jealousy. She never thought she would associate that with Luke Danes. JavaJunkie overtones. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I have very sad news. For everyone. I don't own Gilmore Girls.

I'm back in the challenge business. Cheers! This is one that was given over at Our Little Corner, by DiehardJavaJunkie14, to write about Lorelai's feelings when Luke is with someone. Some dialogue is from Episode 4.11, "In the Clamour and the Clangour". Here's my go at it. Enjoy. Feedback is great.

This is a one-shot. Consider it something like a tag to 4.11.

Wonder

Jealousy.

It was a strange feeling to associate with Luke Danes. She hadn't considered it, even after of years of drinking his coffee, eating his food, driving him crazy – it was ridiculous. She wasn't jealous. She was upset, because things might change. She was a five year old being told she couldn't have her teddy bear anymore. It was just a reaction to something new. Eventually, she'd get used to it.

She hadn't hated Rachel. She _hated_ Nicole. Nicole, who'd done nothing to her. Nicole was nice. She was little and blond and pretty – all the things Lorelai wasn't and had wanted to be, once upon a time. Why did she hate Nicole? She was fine with being tall and dark-haired now.

So Nicole was married to Luke. Big deal. Luke still made coffee. He still owned Luke's. He still griped about the town, still made comments about whatever she'd done that day. He was still there. He hadn't left. He was still Luke.

So why was she so upset? It was stupid. She was stupid, acting like she had a right to make her input into his life. Yeah, they were friends. Yeah, he should've told her he moved. She still didn't have the right to act like it hurt her personally and had upturned her life.

It hurt her. Even if she had no right to be hurt. He was supposed to tell things like that to his friends. And they were friends. If they weren't friends, what the hell did they have, anyway? Luke didn't think she was a friend, so he didn't tell her where he was living. Why had she bothered to tell him about stuff? Why did it matter, since he clearly thought their relationship never extended beyond the coffee?

"Well, I can work myself up to a freak out," Lorelai said to her living room.

They were just friends. He was married, still or again, or whatever. He was married. She was with Jason. It was just a nice, platonic relationship. They were friends. They talked about stuff. She taunted him, he would get annoyed. Sometimes they had fought. He adored Rory.

She felt territorial. "Dog in the manger much?" she asked the flickering TV. Luke had been single for years. She had kept up a friendship with him. She had her chances. She had done nothing. She didn't own him. He could marry who he liked; he could live with whoever he liked. She was a friend.

She was starting to wonder why she had to keep repeating that to herself. She knew. He knew. Well, then, all was good.

Jealousy.

The word rang out again, a foghorn in her hazy thoughts. Jealous. She wasn't.

She was.

_You lied to yourself,_ a voice hissed in her ear.

Lorelai made fists out of her hands. "I admit it," she said, to the TV. "Your point?"

It flickered some more. She smacked it with the flat of her hand. The picture cleared.

She was jealous of Nicole. She wasn't sure why. It wasn't like she ever saw Nicole with Luke, it wasn't like they'd had such a great marriage, all six months of it and it wasn't like she was interested in Luke. She just saw someone else with taking what she could've had but didn't and now she wanted it, too.

She had lots in common with a five year old, it seemed.

The church bells started ringing. "Damn bells!" she shrieked, grabbing her coat.

* * *

Lorelai wandered through town. Any day, they would revolt and kill the guy who repaired the bells. It was nice to know she wasn't alone, but it was also disheartening.

She stopped at Luke's. She took a deep breath. She opened the door. Luke stared at her, not looking too receptive. "You want to help me break the bells?" she asked.

_Actually, what I wanted to say was sorry. Or something like that. But if this works, it's the next best thing. _She held her breath, waiting for him.

"I'll get my toolbox," he replied.

She smiled. That sounded like Luke. Willing to go with her crazy plans. She snatched a doughnut and followed him, tracking snow into his apartment. Luke looked back at her. "I'll be just a sec."

"'Kay," she replied, taking a bit of doughnut. She looked around. She smirked.

"Got it, let's go," he said.

"Right behind you." Lorelai cast a last glance over the apartment. His stuff was in the apartment. He was supposed to be living with Nicole, which would mean his stuff was supposed to be there, too. At his new apartment, in Litchfield. His bed was made; his sink was filled with dishes. That looked like he was still living in Stars Hollow. Here. Not with Nicole. A wash of relief filled her, and she smiled.

He was still _there_. With her, with Rory, with the town. She had no real reason to be jealous anymore. He had never left.

But she was jealous. She felt it seep in under her relief, engulfing her body. She was jealous and she didn't know why. Her smile faltered, and she felt her hand shake. She was still jealous. And she couldn't explain it.

She didn't want to explain it.

Footsteps sounded – Luke had walked back up. He stared at her. She strode out of the room, past Luke, trying to leave her jealousy in the room.

It followed her. She wondered why it stayed with her.

It was what she thought about that night. In silence. Alone.

With Luke, she wasn't so alone.


End file.
